The Uncensored Widow

I've noticed there seems to be a common saying or feeling about Widows: "Oh, she lost her husband. I feel so bad for her."   Then they will go about carrying on with their lives, not really giving it a second thought.  Or if you personally know the family,  You may have dealt with YOUR grief, but not fully understand how the Widow and their children are impacted by their loss Every. Single. Day.  If you see them "moving on" with their lives or positing sarcastic meme's about dating (ahem, that would be me), please do not assume that they are "over" their spouse.  They will never be over this loss.  EVER. I used to be one of those people who didn't get it and ashamed to admit.....I did judge them.  That was the Old Me.  This New Me has become way more evolved and understanding to the feelings of others who have lost a loved one.  I had a close friend tell me at the visitation of her loved one, "I hate that you know what to do for us, bu...

I've been having this feeling that I need to post about the importance of life insurance & having a will.  I don't know why I've been having this feeling but hopefully giving you actual numbers will help you really understand the importance.  Maybe even mentally run through your numbers to see if you have enough life insurance. Life Insurance The words themselves sound like something you have to deal with when you're an adult.  I don't know about you but at 36 years old I am classified as an "Adult", however I sure as hell don't FEEL like an adult.  Life Insurance is one of those adult things that I hope you are at least aware of, if not already having some inforce.  This is something that I learned about at a young age from my dad.  He had taken an individual policy out on me when I was a baby and every year at renewal we would go over it.  At this young of age, I knew it was good to have, but in my mind I wasn't going to die for a long,...

As I'm working on writing some new blog posts, I was thinking about the feedback I've received so far.  It dawned on me that some of you may have questions that you don't want to ask as they are uncomfortable, you don't want to offend me, never a right time to ask or not even sure if they are appropriate to ask.  Thinking about this has peaked my curiosity that if given the opportunity what kinds of questions would I be asked?  How could I answer and share them with others who may wonder the same things? Thanks to a close friend, I'm learning about all the fancy things Google offers, including making your own surveys and questionnaires.   With this you are able to submit any questions you've been to curious to find out answers too anonymously !  Your name will not be attached to the question, unless you type it in yourself.  So there is no need to be nervous or worry about if you may offend me.    My plan is to compile the questions a...

This is when my concept of time completely vanished.  I know these events took place, but I don't know exactly when, if some were the same day or if there were several days in between them.  I was not a functioning person at this time. Waking up the day after the funeral was a surreal experience.  I was trying to wrap my head around everything that happened over the past week.  It took me a while to realize that it wasn't just a bad dream.  I remember sitting there thinking, "Now what?" I was in a very weird fog, that many have dubbed "The Widow Fog".  I couldn't fully comprehend that Wylie was really gone.  It actually felt like he was out of town for work and would be coming back soon.  This is a feeling would last several weeks.  Up until this point, I had been "distracted" with things that needed to be done for funeral.  Everyday I had something that needed to be done.  Now that it was over, I was sitting here with nothing ...

Planning the funeral of your spouse, or any loved one, is not something you can ever truly be prepared for. When my step-father in law asked me where we should have the funeral, is when it hit me I was going to have allot  of decisions to make.  I told him I wanted Hoy-Kilnoski Funeral Home  , as I had heard very positive things about them and knew it could accommodate a large amount of people.  I was so thankful when he said he would call and take care of setting up the meeting, because I was in no shape to do that.  I'm specifically mentioning the funeral home by name because they took amazing care of us, provided outstanding service and went above and beyond anything I could have imagined. My mother & step-father in laws attended the first meeting and would help me with the planning.  My father in law was not able, emotionally, to attend the planning but I would still run the plans by him and ask for his input.  We met with Mike Hoy, who gen...

My plan for this blog was to go in chronological order so it would be easier to follow.  But I as I should know by now, life is not going to go as I plan it.   I've been struggling to write the next post about Organ Donation for the last 4 weeks mainly due to the current grieving "stage" I'm in.  Right after I lost Wylie I was told repeatedly about the 5 stages of grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance.  I couldn't understand and still don't really, why everyone thought this was necessary for me to know.  Maybe to know my feelings are normal?  Or to give me a heads up as to what may be ahead for me?  Here is a pretty chart that shows the stages along with feelings. However this chart is a more accurate representation of the stages. Grief is a roller coaster of emotions and no one grieves in the same way.  I've recently learned that my grieving was most likely delayed for more than a year b/c I was in ...

At some point during the night it turned into Day 3.  My memory is little fuzzy throughout this day, so some of this may be out of order, but this is what I remember happening. Day 3 Tuesday September 13, 2016 Walking back into Wylie's room after they had intubated him was a shock to say the least.  My gut told me, "This isn't right."  The bed was laid out flat, he had the tube down his throat to help him breathe, there were more wires, tubes and machines everywhere.  What startled me the most, was that they had strapped his hands to the bed rails, it looked like he was handcuffed.  The nurse explained that he was sedated & unconscious.  Possibly to try to relieve the swelling, but I can't remember.  She told me they strapped his hands down so he wouldn't pull out the breathing tube.  I was thinking, "He's unconscious how can he pull out the tube?  They must think he will wake up, so this can still be fixed.  He's going to b...